im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
