I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
