someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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