On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
