i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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