i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
