Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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