I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
