So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
