I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
