but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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