So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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