O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
