I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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