i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
