If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
