he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
