im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My day in three words: secret purse cake
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
