I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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