He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
