my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
