Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
