i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
