I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
