the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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