He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
