Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
