What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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