my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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