i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
