You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
