he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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