I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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