the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
