Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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