I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
