Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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