nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
