this beer tastes like vomit already
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
