I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
