another moral hangover. fuck.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
