Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
