I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
