turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
