bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
