my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
