the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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