i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
