I've blown a few things in my day
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
