So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
