normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
