i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
