I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
