we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
