she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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