Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
