it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
