i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
